To the Friend Who Walked Away,
Hi. This letter is to you. Perhaps you would tell others we are “friends” and part of you might believe that, but in reality, we both know this is not the case. A while ago you walked away from this friendship. I’ve reflected, responded and prayed. I’m sure we see things differently because we are two different people, but in case you were wondering, here is how it ended for me.
At first I was so confused and hurt. You were my closest friend. The person whom I confided in. The one that I turned to in good and bad times. The one whom I was genuinely interested in hearing the response when I’d ask, “How are you?” I replayed the last few months in my head again and again, trying to figure out what I did that was so wrong. How did I offend you? What did I say? What did I do? What did I not do? Morning, noon and night, I thought about it. I never tried to justify anything; I was simply trying to figure out what I had done wrong so that I could correct it and make it up to you. I cared so deeply about you and would never mean for any pain.
Next, I felt anger. How could you do this to our friendship? How could you boast of being such a good friend and yet turn your back on me? How could you ignore my attempts to reach out to you? And most of all… still… why? I was angry, mixed with hurt. I had repeatedly blamed myself, but I could not come up with a reason for why. I’m a loyal friend who was always there for you and never judged you. Is this what you now call friendship?!?
Then I simmered down some. The pain never left. I guess with time, it eventually will. During this time, I realized that perhaps I had viewed our “friendship” as something more than what it was this whole time. I began to question if you ever truly felt I was your friend. Perhaps friendship is not something you deeply give much value to? I began to remember all of the things you told me about your other friends, and I recalled what others have often shared, “If someone is talking about someone else to you, chances are they also talk about you to someone else.” Maybe all these years you had gone to other people and told them all of that which you did not like inside of me? This is a concept that has always been hard for me to understand. For me, if I do not like someone’s character, then I simply do not pretend to be their friend. I can be respectful towards people and not fake a friendship. Authentic friendship. That’s what I thought we had. But I was wrong.
I became sad again and began to question what was wrong with me that this individual walked away from our friendship. Was I not wealthy enough? Was my family structure too different? Did my parenting decisions make a rift? Am I no longer fun to be around? Do my choices in my social life impact your willingness to invite me places anymore? Does our history mean nothing? So many questions raced through my head. So many questions that remained unanswered.
Time passed and as I repeatedly reached out to you, I could feel things were so very different. I expressed my concerns and shared my raw emotions. Yet still, only the superficial was emitted. This wasn’t the person I knew. This wasn’t the person I held in such high regard. This wasn’t the person I valued, no matter any flaws. This wasn’t the person I loved. This wasn’t the person whom I had been so loyal to. This wasn’t you. You were gone. Our friendship was gone. You walked away, without a word being said. Yet you walked away and took so much with you. With time, I will find peace. Eventually, I will develop a close friendship with another person. But I’ll never forget our friendship, I will always pray for the best for you and I’ll never fully comprehend why my friend walked away.
Your Loyal Friend Who Stayed
Ahmeli… that we treat our friends with a love and respect and clearly reflects honor upon the title “friend.”
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