A Letter to my Second Child

My Dearest Second Child,

Hyachti, you have not yet entered this world, but I want you to know that I fully love swing-1906569_1280you and, as your parents, we will do our very best for you. It is true, no matter how many children a parent has, you love them all equally. Yes, I may have experienced pregnancy and childbirth already with your older brother, but I am just as excited to build those memories with you as your story continues to develop.

Over the past few months, my heart has become somewhat broken. I’ve looked around and asked questions, trying to figure out if these feelings are “normal.” I have heard different responses and none of them have eased the discomfort I feel. I even found a few articles online (such as this one) that shared similar feelings to that which I have been asking others about. You see, my heart has been aching for you (Crazy how that happens for a Mama even before the child is born.) We are over half way to your expected arrival and I’ve noticed so many differences in how the world had responded to your coming. I am not sure if it is because I was already pregnant before, or if it is because not much time has passed since your brother’s birth, but regardless, the differences make me sad. To date, we have received one congratulations card in the mail; that makes just one card in your memory book. Meanwhile, your brother’s is overflowing with cards. By this time, people had bought little cute gifts and would often check to see how the pregnancy was going. We were in the planning stages of baby showers and celebrations as the anticipation for baby’s arrival grew. Yet, you my second child, have not had any of these things. I am not saying that you need gifts, nor that we need to be blessed with a baby shower. Another factor might be that with our first pregnancy, there was one only other person I knew who was due around the same time. Childbirth was like a holiday for just one child. Now this time around, I am pretty sure that half of the country is having a baby the same time you are due, including more than one set of twins. It seems like there will be babies around every corner! I just feel bad because it feels like people are not as excited for you to arrive as we, your parents, feel.  I sense that I need to brace myself for the fact that things are going to be very different this time around. But I want you to always know that we pray for you every day and smile about your growth throughout the weeks.

No matter what surrounds your delivery into this world, your Baba and I love you beyond imagination. We fully support you and will do all we can to help you throughout life. Just as when we were expecting your brother, I caress the area where you are developing, feeling so connected even though I have yet to hold you in my arms. As you’ve developed throughout the past 22 weeks, your Baba has continued to pray over you and to talk with you just as he did with your brother. We might have less pictures, but our love is indescribable. Life may be busier this time around, but we are still making time for you. I know you will be different – perhaps you will have a different sleep pattern, or maybe feedings will go differently, but always know that I love you just the same. You are my child and I will always think the world of you! My heart will always be yours.

All that being said, know that you are loved beyond measure. Society will change, people will come and go, but our love for you will always be solid. Don’t compare yourself to anyone else because you are unique and special, just as God planned for you to be. We cannot wait to meet you and watch you discover the joys in this world. I have yet to hold your hand, but know that I will be right by your side, your biggest cheerleader, for all of your life!

Forever loving you,

Your Mama

Ahmeli… that no matter what happens around us, we continue to show each child how very special and loved they are!

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10 thoughts on “A Letter to my Second Child

      • Maybe it was because I knew what to expect (with the first, it is all so new and unknown so the worry seems heightened). I felt like I could worry less and enjoy the pregnancy more. But, I also ended up quite worried how my daughter was going to feel about a second baby and whether or not I could love another as much as I loved her. It was just an entirely different dynamic and I could feel the dynamic of our little family changing the closer to the birth we got. Turns out, I can love them both enormously and we have all adjusted to being a family of four. My son turns 1 in March.

        At first it was hard; I had sleepless nights with a newborn and a toddler to take care of. That was so different than just having one newborn to worry about. I often worried about having to choose the newborn’s needs over my daughter’s needs, so that part took some time to get used to. My mom guilt felt really, really thick for a while. So, just be prepared to feel spread thin and guilty for a little bit, but know that it WILL pass. It is all normal emotional adjustment to the changes. Because, let’s face it, adding another human being into the family is a HUGE life change for all of you. 🙂

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  1. Happy news!!! 🙂 Wishing you and Little One all the best! – Of course it is not always easy to be “the second one”, but it does have its advantages. I see it with my younger boy. Some things come very natural to him because he saw his older brother already doing it (being at school, for example). – Sending much love and hugs over the ocean! (Just see it a virtual congratulation card!)

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    • Thank you, Choosing! We are very excited. The journey has been similar, yet very different already. I just hope that these feelings are only how this Mama feels and not how the baby will feel. I am excited to watch the sibling bond and to see Little One become a “big boy” with this additional experience. Any tips about this path?

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      • What I found very important is that the “big boy” still feels special. I think in your case he won’t be that jealous, as the age difference is not so big (he is not yet two, right?), but still it will be a big change for him. When our little one was born, his brother was three, and of course he felt he did not get as much attention as before. So we took care that he had loads of “special big boy time” with Daddy. And when people came to give little one a present, I took care that the big boy also got something (- because it is not nice if your baby brother gets showered in presents and you get nothing!). 😉

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        • Yes, my son will be under 2 when this baby is born. I have read some about “dates” with the sibling to keep things special and such. That is something I am actually looking forward to, especially as he gets older. Even simple picnics or walks in the park. I believe the time will be a treasure and we will both value it.

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